They said, is this Naomi? And she said unto them, call me not Naomi (pleasant) call me Mara (Bitter) for the almighty have afflicted me. (Ruth.1:19-20)

To call a for a pity party is to call for sadness in other people because you are suffering or in trouble. To show that they are better than you in their circumstances. And self-pity is to feel sorry for yourself, sad and ashamed because of failure or problems.

That was the case of Naomi in the bible. When you carry problem mentality, want everyone to recognize you have problems and therefore treat you as such, you are calling a pity party. When you desire people to join you in your crying or sorrow, you are organizing a pity party.

When some people organize a pity party and their colleagues or friends fail to attend, they pick offence. These are people that like to be pitied or to be told “sorry”. They like condolence visits. They like people milling around them crying with them and pitying them, holding “sorrow party” or celebrating their failure or troubles. They like everyone around them to share in their pain or at least show a mark of recognition that they are indeed in trouble.

Actually, you don’t need pity. It does not remove a gramme from your load of problems. You don’t need self-pity but self-encouragement. We see example of David; when encouragement was coming from no one, the bible says he encouraged himself in the Lord. Self pity is destructive to your spirit and your nervous system. It is injurious to your health.

How do you know when you have self pity?

Firstly, when you have deep cries, not out of pains but out of regrets. When the Israelites faced the Red Sea, they cried regretting that they left Egypt to die in the wilderness. When you cry because you are not yet married or because somebody insulted you, you are into the trap of self-pity.

Secondly, when you lose self-confidence, unable to do what you can naturally do as a result of some problems you are passing through, you are a victim. In First Samuel chapter 30, when David and his men resorted to self-pity, they wept till they had no strength. But when David encouraged himself, he found solution and pursued, overtook, recovered all and there was celebration again.

Thirdly, when you resort to scapegoatism, you are in the trap. When you begin to look for whom to blame for your calamities. Some resort to hitting their children, battering their wives and keeping enmity with their neighbours.

Fourthly, an evidence of self-pity is when you cannot genuinely rejoice with those who succeed where you failed. Joab killed Abner and Amasa in the bible when David decided to replace him with Abner. If you have been unable to buy a car but your neighbour just buys one, do you sincerely rejoice with him? When someone you are older than gives you invitation for her wedding, do you go inside to weep? Jealousy or envy has their roots in self-pity.

Self-pity is a satanic virtue which you need to exorcise from your life. It is both spiritual and psychological prison. In fact, it can poison the soul. And Jesus said “every seed not planted by my heavenly father must be rooted up”. So kick this malaise out of your life by the enabling  power of the Lor

Now, how do you overcome or disorganize your self-pity party?

But be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom.12:2). That is where you start. Change your mind from self pity to self encouragement. The word of God is the number one source where you draw such encouragement. That is why you have to confess the word of God always. Declare; “when I fall, I shall arise” (Micah 7:8), weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5) “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil” Psalm 23:4.” In all these things, I am more than a conqueror through him that loves me” (Rom.8:37).

In order to overcome, you have to resort to prayer. Prayer is a potent force in the affairs of life. Don’t give up in prayer until you overcome (Luke 18:1). Prayer helps you knock at the throne of mercy.  “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done (Phil 4:6 NLT)

Also, you need to seek support, not pity through counseling and prayer. Speak out your burdens to a trusted and matured man of God or Christian leader who will encourage you in the word and pray for you.

You may think that those helping you to cry are doing you good; rather they are doing you harm. I mean those that attend your pity party. Go to those that will tell you don’t cry again and make you see your problems as minor things. A sister was suddenly hit by a strange sickness. Her neighbours called a pastor who happened to be a co-tenant. His comment to her was “this is a serious sickness, I have seen two people it happened to like this and they died instantly. You better look for your pastor”. You don’t need such counsel but scriptural ones like  for with God all things are possible.

You don’t need all the sorry, sorry but when you fall or calamity befalls you, get up, dust yourself and move on. People’s pity adds some grams to your load but encouragement lifts some kilograms from it. Don’t solicit for pity; you don’t need it. It pushes you to the wrong side of life. Your mind or spirit is not configured to feed on pity but on encouragements and challenges. God would always tell Joshua “Only be thou strong and courageous”

Look, you don’t need to celebrate your sickness, trouble, bereavement or failure by drawing everybody’s attention to it directly. You are not the only person with problems. They come and go. Learn to celebrate the good and positive things in your life and let the devil be ashamed. The devil feeds on your tears while God feeds on your praise. Starve the enemies to frustration with your continuous joy and happiness. Remove sorrow from your heart and tears from your eyes and turn yourself to the sunny side of life.

May the Lord grant you understanding!

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